Women age like flowers by Ziya Abashe

  

From the moment signs of what appeared to be breasts developed on my chest and I began to get male attention everyone around me felt the need to tell me ‘remember women age like flowers’ be mindful. From a very young age it was made very clear to me that my physical appearance and fertility were valuable commodities that needed to be guarded and used sparingly in order to remain valuable and that there would be no greater success than ‘cashing out’ as a young woman with a high value Man and become Wife and Mother, after all that is what I was born to do. 

Fastforward to senior high school when Womanhood began to rear its head, lipstick and push up bras in full effect. Social media had risen and feminism had grown even stronger. Being raised somewhat westernized I was one of the few that began to believe that Men and Women were the same and that the same rules that my Male classmates lived by were also on the table for me. Biggest lie ever!!! Feminism does not prepare you for the harsh realities of life. Men and Women have never and will never be the same. 

Feminism only meant that Male responsibilities were also given to Women but not vice versa. That’s the catch. 

Women are expected to also work full time and bear the burden of household responsibilities like the good work horses we are. This meant that all the expectations put on Women were the same except this time around they needed to ‘pay their fair share’. 

In 2006 Ellen Johnson Sirleaf became the first female elected President in Africa and this was a big moment for Women. It seemed we had made great waves in the direction of equality.

She served two terms from 2006-2018 and as expected she experienced great disrespect and undermining throughout her tenure. In my opinion she did a relatively good job although things could have been better, at the very least she did not perform any worse than the Men before her. 

When I started university in 2015 Madam Sirleaf was still Liberia’s President and for a time I believed things were equal, that even I had a fair chance of becoming President of my Country. This was brief, I got the rude awakening I needed. 

One day while having a political science lecture, we began having a conversation about equality and one of the opinionated Men in my class said ‘why are Women always making noise, we’ve already given you a female president’ , To my surprise everyone seemed to agree, it wasn’t up for debate. They felt that for the simple fact that a Woman was President, the playing field had been leveled. It was at that moment that I realized two things; 

1. It would be another hundred years before Liberia saw another female elected 

2. Liberia had not grown to the point of equality that saw a female President as a normal occurrence. Everyone knew that this was a ‘special circumstance’. 

Ellen had to fight tooth and nail to reach the top. 

In other words , Women hadn’t Won, Ellen Won. Just Her, not you ... 

This was one of the most grounding moments of my University experience. I began to see things differently. 

I’d always been an artist at heart. It came naturally to me. As a child I enjoyed drawing and dancing and my Mother encouraged me to continue.

 I also enjoyed singing even though my voice is one of the worst on planet earth, I did it anyway because it gave me peace of mind. I miss that about childhood, the lack of shame. Not a care in the world about the opinions of others. 

In high school my love of the Arts never left, I excelled in those subjects and made sure that even though I was a rebel child, there was no prize giving day that I did not receive even one certificate of excellence in one subject, whether it be English or global perspectives. I developed a love for athletics, I made a name for myself in track and field becoming Sports girl of the years twice in a row and receiving the honorable title of Chui House leader (lol) 

I was very proud of myself. I went on to start the first Cheerleading team my highschool had seen, I designed the uniforms myself and organized practice sessions. 

I went on to model for a few brands in Liberia aswell, most notably Lonestar Cell MTN and I had the pleasure of one of my articles being published by the New Republic newspaper.

I needed to express myself and I desperately seeked ways to do it.  

Fast forward to seven years later, I had graduated university and was excited for the many possibilities life had in store. 

I channeled my love for art into photography and had grown my Instagram page to a humble eight thousand followers. I would take pictures of myself and express myself that way, I was my own muse. They always had a touch of Nature because if there’s anything I love more than Art and solitude, it’s Nature. I had grown as a Woman and an Artist. 

One thing never changed though, people felt the need to remind me that ‘Women age like flowers’ and that when I hit thirty and didn’t have a family and Children, I would be a failure. Even with that my Art gave me peace. 

CAN I VENT A LITTLE ???? 

The hypocrisy of society. 

Whenever a woman shows off her beauty

She is condemned for it, everyone needs to remind her that it won’t last forever. But they never say the same to Men. 

Where is feminism when you need it ? 

What happened to if we all make money we are equal: 

It’s a lie I tell you. 

Boys play football on a dirty field for hours and hours. Perfecting their skills. No one ever reminds them that they will not be that agile forever. Not everyone is is going to make it in football. In fact only about 1% will ever play professionally and honestly if you aren’t scouted by the age of 25, you pretty much need to find another career. By 35 most people’s bodies are changing and you must find a way to channel your brand in other fields like entertainment.

I realized then that the reason people never reminded boys of this was because at the very least, football was a religion and they needed to play for the love of the game. 

This is another example of why believing feminism will have you lost. The ‘female sports’ the arts are not respected, Atleast not as much. There is no, play for the love of the game. Simply being born a Woman is already a disadvantage. Men are the standard and that’s how it’s always been. 

This is not a powerless position ladies, donot lose hope. 

Weakness can be a power position if you use it wisely. 

You can still do what you love, the joy it brings you is what matters.

In a world of chemistry teachers and Math teachers, be the dodgeball coach that gets the same pay, and gets to play the game he loves. What’s wrong with letting others do the work for you ? Play your position and allow the Man earn his title as King of the castle. Being the 9-5 work horse, wife and Mother is a thankless job. Only do the work you have to otherwise enjoy being single and be a work horse for yourself . Nobody gives you extra credit for the more work you do. Your chief role is Wife, Mother and beautiful Woman. Period. Sure this seems harsh but the world is a harsh place and you’ll come to find this is true. No matter how hard you work , no matter how much wealth you’ve accumulated and no matter how feminist your community. Women will be judged differently. Don’t work harder, work smarter and be with a Man who you can respect. A Man who makes you proud. One who can assist you in your career goals and does not expect you to carry him through life only for him to still be given title of King. People respect what they earn not what is handed to them, especially Men, so get used to being pampered like the Princess you are. Gravitate towards Men who DEMONSTRATE their love.

Let’s be real, traditionally the marriages that stand the test of time, are ones with clear gender roles. A woman can only play second fiddle to a Man she doesn’t respect but for so long. Resentment sets in. Sometimes the old ways aren’t wrong.

If anyone accuses you of hypergamy and gold digging, keep in mind your time is limited - and your thorns are there for a reason. 

Women age like flowers.